Family and Friends
I am a Friend
It’s possible your friend will experience depression upon receiving the preliminary diagnosis of cancer. Your friend might need your help to cope with this. Watch for telltale signs, like feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Encourage the patient to talk to members of the treatment team or her primary care physician about how to cope with depression and where to find help.
Some people also gain a sense of control by researching the specific cancer and understanding the possible treatment methods. Your friend can learn more about her cancer by searching the Internet or visiting the library. Perhaps you can help set up a computer with an Internet connection or arrange a visit to the library. But keep in mind, sometimes research can be counterproductive. So much information is readily accessible these days, it can be overwhelming and even discouraging. Your friend should ask his physician and treatment team for guidance about the best sources of information.
Don’t be afraid to encourage other friends to help out. At this point many of them are anxious to do something, but they probably have no idea what to do. You might have some suggestions, whether it’s handling specific errands or just spending some time with your friend.
Offer to accompany your friend to treatments, both as moral support and in case your friend feels any side effects, as is common in chemotherapy, for instance. Sometimes your friend might appreciate a ride, and other times will prefer the self-reliance of driving himself.
Encourage your friend to keep a journal. Writing down experiences can prove very therapeutic by allowing the patient to identify feelings and express them in a safe way. Your friend might want to start by just making a list of things she wants to forget and things to remember about cancer treatment. It also creates a deeply rewarding experience for those people the patient allows to read the journal and share in the emotions.
Your friend may not know where to begin when asking for help. All too often, the topic of helping is left open, and your friend may feel uncomfortable taking you up on your offer. To help your friend, try presenting them with a list of favors they may need done so your offer to help can be taken advantage of right away. The following is a list of possible ways you can help:
- Drive her to a doctor’s appointment.
- Bring over a casserole.
- Pick up his prescription at the drug store.
- If there’s hair loss, help her select a wig.
- Do his grocery shopping.
- Baby-sit her children for a few hours.
- Do yard work.
- Help him fill out insurance forms.
I am a Family Member
It’s possible your loved one will experience depression upon receiving the preliminary diagnosis of cancer. Your family member will probably need your help to cope with this. Watch for telltale signs, like feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Talk to members of the treatment team or the patient’s primary care physician about how to cope with these symptoms and where to find help.
Some patients also gain a sense of control by researching the specific cancer and understanding the possible treatment methods. You and your relative can learn more about the cancer diagnosis by searching the Internet or visiting the library. Perhaps you can help set up a computer with an Internet connection or arrange a visit to the library. But keep in mind, sometimes research can be counterproductive. So much information is readily accessible these days, it can be overwhelming and even discouraging. Make sure you ask the physician for guidance about the best sources of information.
Make an effort to accompany your friend to chemotherapy treatment, especially the first one, since it’s bound to create anxiety. Companionship can make it much easier to face the unknown. Chemotherapy also is likely to have side effects and your relative may not feel well afterwards. You might offer to drive to and from the treatment.
It’s probably not a good idea to bring children to the facility. Also, don’t wear perfume or cologne when you visit. Patients may be nauseous, and perfume can make it worse.
Try to make your family member’s hospital room as homey as possible to ease their stay, within the hospital’s rules. It makes things more pleasant for him and for other visitors as well. Here are some suggestions:
- Framed photos of family and friends
- Artwork from home
- A portable stereo with headphones
- DVD player and videos
- Computer and computer games
- A micro-cassette recorder (in case they are too tired to write something down)
- Delivery of daily newspapers or magazines
- One of the biggest issues any cancer patient struggles with is sense of loss. Here are some ways to help your family member through this difficult time:
- Help him to identify the things they can control.
- Emphasize the need to retain a sense of herself as a whole person, not just as a patient.
- Engage him in regular activities as much as possible and be sure to maintain family rituals.
- Urge her to talk to others who are going through the same thing.
- Help him to concentrate on getting better, and on feeling gratitude for the things he has.
- Realize that it is normal for patients to have mood swings.
- Make her as physically comfortable and bring her home cooked meals whenever possible.
New Cancer Center
After much anticipation, the new Pacific Oncology Cancer Center is now open to the public.